Your Guide to Enjoying Transmasculine Sex

I may be biased, but sex with transmen is fantastic.

Advance warning: This article is not safe for work unless this is your first time working in a tiny sausage factory.

This guide is a quick introduction to the nuances of intimacy with trans and non-binary guys, from what to say to what to suck on. From awkward conversations to the effects of testosterone on anatomy, these are the basics of a fun and respectful time.

Be normal

As with any practical guide regarding transgender people, this is always the most important point. Transmasculine people are not mystical beings summoned from another dimension to fulfill your fantasies; we’re just guys trying to make our way through this capitalist hell like everyone else.

Of course, we have preferences and unique anatomy, but this is true for any sexual partner. Treat your transmasculine partner like any other mask you find hot.. There’s no need to act like you’ve just discovered a new species or are more interested in their transcendence than their personality.

Words, words, words

Communication is key in any sexual encounter, but it is especially important when having sex with transgender people.

Every person has certain words they prefer to use to refer to their body parts, terms they never want to hear, and words that make them giddy with joy.

This is true whether they sought medical transition or not. Always use the words your partner uses to refer to their body. If they want to call their chest “Twin Peaks” and their ass “Agent Pooper”, just go with it.

Depending on your mood, ask for your partner’s preferred terms before you begin, or check them as you go. Either way, ask – it may seem a little awkward, but it will save you even more awkwardness in the long run.

Likewise, be on the lookout for gendered or fetishistic language during steamy moments. Give compliments, but don’t be intimidated. “You’re so hot” is much better than “I’ve always wanted to be with someone like you.” While some transmasculine people enjoy male sex talk like “oh, you’re so big” or “I want you inside me,” it can be dysphoric for others, so again, ask.

Bring your ass, leave the guesswork at home

Don’t think that just because transmasculine people have vaginas that they are bottoms.

Just because someone was assigned female at birth does not mean they are inclined to receive, penetrate, submit, or be a passive partner.

Nevertheless, just because someone is masculine doesn’t mean they like to give, penetrate and dominateor take control.

Transmasculine people are all the same in one important way: we are all individuals who cannot be generalized based on our gender.

Equipment

If your partner has been taking testosterone for a while, he will have to deal with it.

One of the most interesting effects of testosterone is the enlargement of the clitoris, turning it into a micropenis. Although it is still quite small – usually between 2 and 8 centimeters in length – it functions like a regular penis and is capable of erection. However, since it doesn’t have the corpus cavernosum, the tissue that fills with blood and supports erections in cis men, it still remains a little soft and flexible even in the full position.

The urethra remains in the same place at the bottom, so transmasculine people also cannot urinate or ejaculate through the penis. The labia, which form the scrotum in cis men, can respond to testosterone in different ways: they become larger, shrink, become thicker, or become flaccid. Taste and smell also change, becoming more masculine.

Testosterone also has an inconsistent effect, making it very wet in some people and very dry in others. Both can be a problem, so if you’re preparing to have sex with a transmasculine person for the first time, be sure to have a towel and some lube handy.

As a general rule, if your partner wants their penis to be touched, they’ll probably want it to be touched just like any other penis—with one caveat.

The genitals of cis men have about 4,000 nerve endings, and the genitals of cis women have about 8,000. The genitals of trans men have the shape of a penis, but the nerve density of the clitoris. This means they are extremely sensitive, especially in the first year or two of growth. They are small but powerful, like penis concentrate. A sudden touch to the underside of the shaft or head can feel like being hit with a sharp sledgehammer, so work slowly on these parts.

Most transmasculine people will not be able to penetrate the vagina or anus with their body parts, and if they can, it will require some delicate preparation, like sexual Tetris. For this reason, many transmasculine people choose to use strap-ons or hand toys instead..

If a transmasculine man has had upper jaw surgery, he will likely have decreased or altered nipple sensitivity. However, scar tissue can be very sensitive and touching the area can have a psychological impact, so ask your partner what feels good rather than guessing.

Finishing touches

Sex with transmen is not particularly difficult and does not require special guidance – just common sense, respect and good communication.

Relax, enjoy each other’s company, and just focus on having a good time together.